joyfilledworld.com

I have had my Barbie case for about 40 years. For the last 20 years or so it has been just sitting in a closet.

Until recently, when I decided to gift it to a Barbie-loving child. I knew it was the right decision because she would really enjoy it. Yet part of me also hoped it wouldn’t get even more worn or worse, lost or discarded. Was my real hope that the Barbie case could live on even longer and bring joy to future generations? Or at least earn someone a small fortune at an antique store?

The reality is…I don’t know. And I had to become ok with that. How did I do that? By realizing that gifting my Barbie case would allow me to experience the joy of knowing someone might enjoy it. There is also the joy, freedom, and peace of mind that comes from accepting that it will be for however long they want it. After all, it’s their gift and their choice!

Ok, it’s “just” a Barbie case. But this bit of a dilemma is preparing me for the deeper reality that I will not be on this planet forever. I cannot take my things with me nor can I hope that others will want my things when I’m gone. This makes sense theoretically.

But when faced with decisions to gift material possessions away, why is their sadness? Maybe it’s grief. Grieving the loss of an enjoyable or carefree time of life. Or maybe it’s just part of reliving joyful memories. I’m not ever going to play with that Barbie case again but I sure do relish the memories of when I did. So I reminisced with my sister about the fun and weird ways we “played Barbies”, as we called it. Afterwards, I felt so grateful that one, I had those memories, and two, I can still remember them!

In the end, what I really want is that my family and friends remember my immense love for them. I wish them peace and joy beyond measure. If it comes in part from an old toy or piece of jewelry, then so be it. And if not, that’s ok too.

How are you becoming “ok” with leaving your material things behind?

For many of us, Sundays are relaxing, enjoyable, and maybe spiritually renewing. A continuation of the weekend and time to spend as we wish for ourselves or with family and friends.

Rather recently, I’ve heard the phrase “Sunday Scaries” as describing some generalized angst or even a sense of dread for the upcoming work week. And some Sundays, I sure can related! I might wake up early, feeling anxious mentally and physically for no clear reason. I recognize there are some who live hectic and stressful work lives and there may be angst regarding the tasks, conflicts, or even unknowns of the week ahead. If that is you most often, I am sorry you are experiencing that and I hope you can find a healthier relationship with your work. [See my other blog posts for inspiration]. I have weeks like that from time to time too even though I love my job and my work life! It’s no picnic.

On the other hand, maybe I’m not dreading the upcoming week but instead, I’m sad that the weekend is ending. Realizing that all of the projects, tasks, and connections with people won’t get done today. Unfinished business, if you will. And the clock keeps ticking.

Whatever the cause, I don’t want to waste what’s left of my weekend feeling that way. It’s important to remember that when we sleep well and give ourselves time to rest and replenish our mind, body, and spirit, we are better equipped to face the challenges of the week – and face them with healthy energy, positivity, and innovation. I am more likely to have creative solutions when I’m rested and rejuvenated.

Regardless of whether I’m dreading the upcoming week or sad about leaving the weekend, I decided that I need to actively take back this precious day. Here are a few things that help me, offered as a “Sip of Hope” for you (coffee and cup from Sip of Hope Coffee which supports mental health education):

• Spend time strengthening my spiritual relationship with God. Read, attend service, prayerfully meditate, or do some Reiki energy healing
• Enjoy time with loved ones, allowing chats to meander unhurriedly from topic to topic
• Stop watching the clock and thinking I only have “X” number of hours left in the day
• Do low intensity exercise, preferably outdoors
• Engage in art or other form of creative expression
• Minimize chores other than meal prep for the week. Reserve them either for Saturday, a couple of evenings after work, or a Friday night.
• Read or listen to mental wellness experts to gain insights. I recently learned this from the Balance meditation app: View negative thoughts with curiosity – what are they trying to show me or prepare me for?
• Likewise, spend time learning from experts in your field of work. Odds are, they’ve been where you are and can share solutions to try.

I hope this “Sip of Hope” helps you fully enjoy your Sunday!

April is National Stress Awareness Month. *If you are experiencing distress or thoughts of harming yourself or others, call or text 988 anytime day or night for help and resources.*

Stress – we hear about it everywhere and for many of us, feel it most days or even most of the day! It can make us physically ill, exhausted, irritable, and possibly, not the most productive or pleasant person.

While it might sound nice to escape to a remote island or a relaxing bubble bath, the stress is usually still there when you return. Vacations and self-care are vital for our health. But are there other ways to combat the effects of daily stress to help us be more joyful? Is it possible to live with stress and experience good health and joy?

Yes! And now is a great time to rethink your relationship with stress because April is National Stress Awareness month. I’ll be sharing tips this month on how to shift from stress avoidance to confident acceptance. Also, The American Institute of Stress has informative, action-oriented articles, assessments, podcasts, magazines, and a mobile app guide to help you learn about and manage stress. 

Recently, I’ve been experimenting with ways to bolster my inner self so I am better equipped to respond to stress in healthy and yes, even joyful, ways. It’s not always easy in the moment…but it’s worth a try. Here are just a few ideas from you to try:

• Learn to identify what stressors are in your control and how to release the rest. Offer a listening ear and resources to loved ones who are experiencing stress instead of taking it on.
• Minimize unexpected stress as much as possible by preparing ahead. For example: pack lunches, set clothes out, and gas up the car the night before.
• Practice positive, assertive communication to decrease exposure to unnecessary stressors or to take action. MindTools has great tips to help.
• Meditate! It might look like you are “doing nothing” but meditation rewires pathways in your brain to help you focus, feel calm, and be less reactive to stress.
  • Use an app to guide you: Try this no-cost InsightTimer app or visit this Mental Health Apps site for reviews of apps by topic.
  • Learn to label your thoughts or view them with curiosity instead of criticism: what are they trying to tell me?
  • Try a guided meditation walk
• Keep a gratitude journal. Recording and reflecting on Three Good Things that went well each day is powerful. Expert Dr. Brian Sexton has a great, short 3 Good Things video that describes how.
• Stop and assess your 5 Senses: what do you…see, hear, feel, smell, and taste? This pause helps to lower your reaction to high stress.
• Eat well and get good sleep. Visit eatright.org for healthy eating tips and recipes and take the Sleep Foundation quiz to learn your sleep score and tips to improve.
• And most importantly, if you feel overwhelmed by life stressors, talk with your primary care provider (PCP) or mental health provider. They can help!

Changing your response to stress can make a big difference.

*If you are experiencing distress or thoughts of harming yourself or others, call or text 988 anytime day or night for help and resources.*

 

Love is all around us! Not just today, but every moment of every day, throughout our lives in many forms and degrees. There’s romantic love, of course, but also love for family, friends, neighbors, and humanity in general.

Yet sometimes, it can feel like love passed us by. But, there is another type of love, agape love. As I understand it, this is God’s love for me and mine for God. Friends, I believe we are loved more than we can fathom by our Creator. Always and no matter what.

This Valentine’s Day, may you know you are loved.

• 

Last year, I lost 5 pounds. Yes, that’s right; 5 pounds. Not 50 or 150. Just 5. Hardly newsworthy I know.

I applaud and appreciate the effort and experience of those losing more and understand that five pounds pales in comparison. Earlier in my career, I had the incredible honor of helping many people lose weight. That experience also made it even more frustrating for me when I was stuck with what I first called my “stress fat” a few years ago and then later, my “pandemic pounds”. I applied several “standard” weight loss strategies – and some with a twist. However, the acceptance that I discovered and embraced along the way was the key to my success. And it just might be the key for you too.

My five pound weight loss took months and included gaining more weight and then needing to lose that plus the original five. Like any weight loss plan, I started by keeping an eye on my nutrition, exercise, sleep, and stress.

I love to eat – and I seem to be hungry most of the day! In order to eat a satiating, nutrient-dense diet, I adopted what I called a “no-solo carb” approach to eating. As a vegetarian, most of my food is a carb but consuming them with healthy fats and proteins helped immensely. So was planning to be hungry, which meant packing lunches and snacks and planning a weekly menu. I avoided keeping unhealthy snacks in the house and if I was craving a cookie, I opted for a single one at the bakery instead.

For the rest of the plan, my Fitbit was key! With reminders to move, readiness scores, badges, and effortless ways to track and trend my exercise, weight, sleep, and stress, Fitbit was a motivator for me. The Premium videos helped me have a well-rounded fitness routine that I could do even on the busiest days. And when I felt stressed? The “Relax” feature on my Sense watch boosted my resilience anytime, anywhere. With Fitbit, I learned what my body needed and how it benefitted from my effort – beyond the numbers on the scale.

Speaking of the scale, I decided to weigh myself every morning and record it in the app. Every weight – not just the “good ones” like I have done in the past. As expected, I had ups and downs but seeing the overall trend line head down toward my goal helped me accept – meaning to really live with – the truth that for weight loss, like many things in life, success is not a straight line.

But beyond the strategies and tools, I discovered that the my five pound plan required – and continues to require – a mindset of acceptance. Acceptance of the number on the scale as an indicator of my progress and next steps instead of feeling like a failure. Acceptance of my decision to have a cookie and enjoy it instead of feeling regret. Acceptance of falling short of my weight training goal for the week and making a plan to compensate instead of responding with self reproach.

Most of all, I learned to embrace acceptance of my successes with gratitude instead of doubting it will last. This cements those past successes into my brain and helps pave the way for future lines of success, no matter what shape they may take.

Today, just before my first pedaled out of the driveway, I paused to start my FtBit. But alas, it ran out of juice. Having already spent too much time preparing for this first- in-a-while ride, I decided to just go without it.

But I paused for a moment: Wait, no way to record my stats? Or know how far or how fast I went? No way to record it for eternity in social media?

Ironically, shortly before my ride, a friend of mine posted about a long hike with friends in the Smoky Mountains. The group divided into fast, medium, and slow hikers and he joined the slow hikers so he could photograph wildflowers. My first reaction was – what? Not the fast group to get some PRs in and calories out? But wow, his photos were stunning! A pink lady slipper about to bloom, trillium in different colors, and a number of others I doubt I would have seen had I been there with the fast hikers.

So, I decided to leave my angst about not having any stats in the driveway and just ride to ride. I remembered how I used to ride like this in college. It was exhilarating and relaxing at the same time. I felt strong and had a sense of achievement no matter my speed or distance. So freeing! Nothing to prove.

Today’s ride reminded me of my college rides. Free; with nothing to do but enjoy the ride. Free to explore and get lost in my town, to slow down for cardinals to cross my path, and stop to take photos of the redwoods downtown.

Sure, I do these things even if I have my fitness tracker on, as many others do. And I much prefer having the heart rate monitor over checking my pulse! But I think I will plan to have more ‘freedom from tracker’ activities to keep, not just my eyes, but my heart and soul open to the world around me.

I’ll admit, when I started on this holiday puzzle, I contemplated just doing the ‘key features’ and skipping the extremely nondescript background. This is the result.

Soon after, I decided I was up for the challenge and ventured into the seemingly boring background. At first glance, this aspect of the puzzle seemed unimportant and not very interesting. There were slight variations in the blue tones but that was about it. Even the stars looked alike. Why was this part of the puzzle the least interesting? It wasn’t just that it was harder. It was because it was more satisfying to place finishing pieces for a more distinct feature such as wreaths on the double door entrance or a boughs on a glistening tree. On the surface, it feels more satisfying to directly help complete an interesting or “more important” feature.

Isn’t this how our lives can be viewed – by ourselves and others? Social media and our over-exposed world is full of people who tend to show their shiny side. Their glistening tree side, not the indistinguishable background of life. We are encouraged to stand up, use our voice, take the center stage and shine. Great words of encouragement indeed!

But when I completed the background, I saw how much more beautiful the snow globe became. I noticed more features and the interplay of them as part of the scene. It was an essential part of the whole picture. Isn’t this how life is? How it should be? For each of us to recognize our value when we are the background and how we are part of the full and beautiful picture? How that also allows others to have their moments to shine? Communities and organizations and families work most successfully and beautifully when this combination of glistening and background coexist.

As we enter the holiday season and all that vies for our attention, remember how valuable and essential it is for us, and others, to sometimes be the background.

I’ve been frequenting my local Starbucks in Cary, NC lately for a change of pace since I mostly work from home. As an introvert, I really enjoy sticking close to home. But I still crave the occasional burst of interactions with other humans. And the Starbucks Drive Thru has been surprisingly uplifting.

• 

For months now, literally every Starbucks team member speaks to me with a bolt of energy that says, “I’m so glad you’re here!” You can hear the smile in their voice through the intercom and from behind their mask. The also use my name, make eye contact, and have a little conversation like, “Oh, that’s a cute scarf you have”. I leave feeling a bit ‘brighter’ about facing the day and look forward to going back.

From a customer service and engagement perspective, it is easy to see core principles and strategies at play. At the same time, I am simply enjoying the experience. And it has been happening in so many other places – the grocery store, hardware center, gift shop, and neighborhood sidewalks. It’s like saying, hey, we’re all struggling in the pandemic AND we are doing our part to make it a bit better. (Thankfully, we are seeing the light at the end of that tunnel!)

So hit up your local Starbucks and other local businesses and be open to how the crews there are brightening your day. Then, share that brightness by taking a minute to create a moment for people who cross your path throughout the day.

Have a bright day!

Labor Day is synonymous with three – day weekends, cook outs, and Labor Day sales. The end of one season and the start of the next. Enter a pandemic, where seasons seem to run together, gatherings to cook or shop have limitations, and the world of work is completely different. According to the US Department of Labor, Labor Day is intended to “celebrate the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.” Take the day off for rest and relaxation! Sadly, this sentiment may feel lost for far too many Americans who are unemployed. Or on others who are working longer hours, in new roles, or as volunteers to help countless people in need of food, shelter, health care, or social and emotional support.

Taking a day off is also an important part of achieving optimal work- life balance. This balance is vital to be energized, fully present, and innovative, both at work and at home. So imagine the “hypocrisy”, if you will, when I spent the first few hours of this Labor Day catching up on work. I’m embarrassed to admit this! How am I to rejuvenate if I have work- life blur instead of balance? Fortunately, I had plans for an energizing hike with my husband. (More on achieving work-life balance coming to another blog post soon).

So in the spirit of the Labor Day intention, whether you are currently employed or not yet, working today because you must or because you choose to, please take time off this week to rest and rejuvenate. Because in order for your contributions of work to promote the “strength, prosperity, and well-being” of our country, your celebrations must do the same for you.

Interestingly, I walk by this bench on my neighborhood Greenway almost daily – especially these days. But today was the first day I noticed the bench reads, “welcome”.

While we navigate through a new and necessary world of “sheltering in place” and “closed for business” signs, I’m aiming to look for ways the world is “open”.

May we all continue to find and share those “open” signs.